Stephanie Briscoe, LCMHCS NCC CEAP | November 14, 2025

Emotional wounds don’t disappear just because we grow up. Many adults move through life trying to build healthy relationships while carrying childhood imprints of abandonment, rejection, or emotional inconsistency. The problem isn’t that we “haven’t healed enough”—it’s that certain types of moments still touch the same old nerve.

When a partner withdraws, shuts down, lies, avoids, drinks, or reacts defensively, the logical self may understand the context, but the emotional self often feels something much deeper: fear, panic, disappointment, or the aching belief that we’re about to be left behind. These reactions aren’t weakness. Their patterns the mind learned to survive instability. The good news? Patterns can be rewired when we learn to pause, identify what’s happening, and reframe our response.

This blog walks you through a five-step practice that helps interrupt the abandonment cycle and replaces panic-driven reactions with clarity, grounding, and emotional strength.

1. Step One: Identify the Trigger

The first step is simple—but rarely easy: pause long enough to actually notice what you’re feeling.

When something in your partner’s behavior stirs discomfort, ask yourself:

• What just happened?
• What emotions surfaced first: hurt, anger, panic, sadness?
• What thought followed, “He’s leaving,” “I’m not enough,” “Here we go again,” “I can’t trust him”?

This moment of naming your emotional reaction gently separates the event from the story your brain tells about the event. Often the first emotion is vulnerable: fear, abandonment, or insecurity. But the reaction we show externally—anger, silence, defensiveness—comes later. By identifying the moment your emotional chain reaction begins, you reclaim power over the narrative you’re about to write.

2. Step Two: Recognize the Pattern

Triggers feel so urgent because they’re rarely about the present moment alone; they awaken older experiences where love felt inconsistent or unsafe.

Ask yourself:

• How did I react—yelling, shutting down, overexplaining, fixing?
• What need was I trying to meet—reassurance, control, safety, connection?
• Have I reacted this way before?

The goal here is not self-blame. It’s self-awareness.

When you realize, “Oh, I’ve had this reaction before,”you begin to see the difference between:

• what your partner is doing now, and
• what your nervous system remembers from the past.

That distinction is powerful—it stops old pain from masquerading as current truth.

3. Step Three: Reframe the Response

Before reacting, insert a pause.

Take three slow, deep breaths.
Feel your feet on the floor.
Put your hand on your chest or stomach if you need grounding.

Then say to yourself:

“This feeling is old, but this moment is new. I can respond differently.”

Those words interrupt emotional autopilot. They create a moment of clarity where you have actual choice.

From there, craft a response that reflects your needs without attacking your partner. For example:

• “I feel unsafe when that happens. I need a moment to gather my thoughts.”
• “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Let’s revisit this when I’m calmer.”
• “This triggered an old fear for me. I want to talk about it in a healthier way.”

These kinds of responses protect your boundaries without escalating conflict. They shift you from reacting from fear to responding with clarity.

4. Step Four: Emotional Debrief

Growth doesn’t happen in the moment alone—it happens in reflection.

At least once a week, review a moment that triggered you and ask:

• What did I learn about myself this time?
• Which emotions were truly mine, and which were driven by fear or old memories?
• How did I honor my boundaries?

This weekly emotional check-in is where patterns start to break.

It teaches your brain:

• to recognize emotional cues earlier,
• to separate past wounds from present situations, and
• to trust your ability to regulate and respond intentionally.

Consistency here leads to emotional maturity—peace that isn’t easily shaken and a clearer sense of your own worth.

5. Step Five: Inner Child Reflection (Optional but Transformational)

For many people, abandonment wounds were formed long before adult relationships began. A helpful practice is visualizing the younger version of yourself—the child who learned to chase love, overfunction, accommodate, or shrink just to stay connected.

Write a message to her beginning with:
“You don’t have to chase love anymore. You are safe, seen, and loved.”

This practice softens internal fear and strengthens emotional regulation.
It becomes easier to respond with grounded confidence when your inner child isn’t panicking inside of you.

Breaking the Cycle Is Not About Perfection—It’s About Awareness

Healing abandonment patterns doesn’t mean you’ll never get triggered again. Healing means you catch yourself sooner, honor your emotions more honestly, and respond with wisdom instead of fear.

Every time you pause, identify what’s happening, and reframe the moment, you strengthen your emotional muscles. You show your nervous system that you are no longer the child who had to survive. You are the adult who can choose peace, communicate clearly, and protect your emotional safety.

And that… is how the cycle breaks.

About the Author

Stephanie Briscoe, NCC, LCMHCS, LPCS, CEAP, is a clinical supervisor, professional development trainer, author, and workshop facilitator. As CEO and Lead Clinician of Mirror 2 the Heart PLLC, she integrates her counseling expertise with her signature ARC Mentality™ framework to help individuals and organizations embrace accountability, relatability, and consistency. With a blend of faith, insight, and practical strategies, Stephanie equips others to heal, grow, and thrive with purpose.