Stephanie N. Briscoe LCMHCS, NCC, CEAP | April 1, 2026

My child,[a] listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.

What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9 (NLT)

There is something deeply honest, and spiritually mature, about pausing when reading this passage, but what does this look like when parents are broken?

At face value, it sounds simple, almost absolute. But life is not always lived in absolutes.

Not every parent teaches wisdom. Not every home models safety. Not every relationship reflects what God intended and Scripture; when read in its fullness, does not ignore that reality.

The Ideal vs. The Reality

Proverbs is wisdom literature. It paints a picture of what should be, not always what is.

It brings awareness to:

· Parents who are emotionally available

· Parents who take responsibility

· Parents who guide rather than wound

But many people grew up with something different.

Parents who:

· projected their pain instead of processing it

· repeated patterns instead of repairing them

· shut down, checked out, or simply gave up

And here is the truth we don’t say enough: Having children does not guarantee healthy parenting. Even parents who try will make mistakes. That’s part of being human. But there is a difference between making mistakes and growing, than remaining broken without accountability. This conversation is about the latter.

When Behavior Becomes a Pattern

When unhealthy dynamics repeat over time, they begin to shape how a child:

· interprets love

· responds to conflict

· sees themselves

Over time, the internal narrative can sound like:

· “Maybe I’m the problem.”

· “If I just do better, they’ll treat me better.”

· “This must be what love looks like.”

· “Why wasn’t I enough?”

But those thoughts are not always truth. They are interpretations formed in environments that lacked consistency, safety, or emotional clarity, and if left unexamined, those interpretations can follow you into adulthood, relationships, and even your walk with God.

Scripture Holds Both Truths

The Bible does not only instruct children it also holds parents accountable.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)

That means:

· authority is not a free pass

· responsibility goes both ways

· harm is not justified just because it comes from a parent

God never intended for “honor” to mean silence in the face of dysfunction.

Honor with Discernment

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

This is where many people struggle. Because they were taught:

· honor means agreement

· honor means access

· honor means tolerance

But Scripture teaches something deeper. Honor is about posture, not permission for harm. You can respect the role while setting boundaries around the behavior. You can acknowledge what was given while refusing what was damaging. You can love someone without allowing them to continue hurting you. That is not rebellion. That is wisdom.

When Parents Fail, God Covers

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10 (NLT)

This verse is not just comforting, it is corrective. It tells us God anticipated parental failure. Your identity is not dependent on your upbringing. What you did not receive, God can restore and you are not limited by what you lacked.

Breaking the Pattern

“Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21)

Sometimes “good” does not look like reconciliation. Sometimes it looks like:

· choosing differently

· responding differently

· building what you never experienced

· Healing often begins with awareness.

You begin to notice patterns you learned, beliefs you adopted. Emotional responses that were shaped by survival and then you ask:

· Is this true?

· Is this healthy?

· Is this aligned with who God is calling me to be?

That process is where transformation happens.

A Practical Reflection

Take a moment and reflect honestly:

1. What did I learn about love growing up?

2. What behaviors felt normal then, but feel unhealthy now?

3. What do I find myself repeating, even when I don’t want to?

Now shift the lens:

4. What do I want to do differently?

5. What does healthy love actually look like?

6. What stops with me?

This is not about blaming. It’s about understanding. Because what you understand, you can change.

Mental Health Tips

1. Separate behavior from identity
Your parents’ dysfunction is not your definition. What they did or didn’t do does not determine your worth.

2. Challenge inherited beliefs
Not every thought you carry is truth. Some were formed in survival. Begin to question:

· “Is this accurate?”

· “Is this helpful?”

3. Practice emotional boundaries
You are allowed to limit conversations, access, and interactions that consistently harm your well-being.

4. Replace reaction with intention
Pause before responding. Ask yourself: Am I reacting from past hurt or present truth?

5. Anchor yourself in truth
Return to what God says about you not what you experienced growing up.

A Closing Truth

Proverbs 1:8–9 is not a command to blindly accept everything your parents taught. It is an invitation to grow in wisdom and sometimes wisdom sounds like this:

· I will take what was good

· I will release what was harmful

· I will become what I need

You can honor the role without endorsing the behavior. You can love without losing yourself and you can build a life that reflects not where you came from. But who God is calling you to be.