~By Stephanie Briscoe, NCC, LCMHCS, CEAP

Most people associate codependency with romantic or family dynamics, but it’s a behavioral pattern that often shows up at work—and when it does, it can quietly erode productivity, relationships, and mental health.

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is a pattern of behavior in which individuals consistently prioritize others' needs, emotions, or responsibilities at the expense of their own well-being. It often involves people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, emotional caretaking, and a deep fear of rejection or abandonment. The concept gained popularity in the context of addiction treatment, where family members of addicts often enabled unhealthy behavior in the name of support.

Codependent individuals are driven by the belief that their value comes from being needed or being seen as indispensable. This belief is reinforced through a cycle of over-functioning and self-neglect.

Codependency at Work: What It Looks Like

When brought into the workplace, codependency can distort professional roles and lead to unhealthy relational dynamics. Here’s how it often plays out:

1. Supervisor-Employee Dynamics:

• A supervisor becomes overly involved in an employee’s personal life, taking on a parental or rescuing role.
• An employee constantly seeks validation or approval, going beyond their job scope to earn praise.
• Boundaries blur when either party avoids accountability to preserve the “relationship.”

Example: A manager avoids giving corrective feedback to a struggling employee out of fear of hurting their feelings or causing conflict. As a result, performance issues go unaddressed.

2. Coworker-to-Coworker Relationships:

• One coworker constantly covers for another’s mistakes or workload.
• There's an unspoken pressure to always say “yes,” even when it causes burnout.
• Emotional enmeshment occurs, where one person feels responsible for the other’s mood or success.

Example: A team member consistently picks up extra shifts or handles last-minute crises for a peer who chronically underperforms. Instead of addressing the imbalance, they rationalize it as "being a team player."

Where It Stems From

Codependent behavior typically has roots in early relational trauma—growing up in environments where love was conditional, boundaries were unclear, or caretaking was a survival strategy. Children who learned to appease, please, or over-function often carry these patterns into adulthood. In the workplace, this manifests as difficulty saying "no," anxiety over disappointing others, or feeling responsible for things beyond one's control.

A CBT Lens: Thoughts, Behaviors, and Beliefs

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps uncover the distorted thoughts and core beliefs that fuel codependent behavior:

• Core Belief: "My worth is based on what I do for others."
• Automatic Thought: "If I don’t help, I’ll be rejected."
• Behavior: Taking on tasks that aren’t yours, avoiding conflict, or rescuing others.

CBT encourages individuals to challenge these thoughts and replace them with healthier alternatives: "My value is not dependent on overextending myself," or "Saying no doesn’t make me a bad person."

Signs You Might Be Codependent at Work

• You feel anxious when others are upset, even if it has nothing to do with you.
• You avoid conflict at all costs, even when important issues need to be addressed.
• You take on others' responsibilities or overextend yourself regularly.
• You derive your sense of worth from being needed, appreciated, or liked.

How to Spot It in the Workplace

• One person consistently over-functions while another under-functions.
• Avoidance of direct communication or feedback.
• Unspoken emotional entanglement—someone feels “guilty” when saying no.
• Rescuing or fixing behavior is normalized or expected.

Tips for Healing and Boundary Setting

1. Practice Self-Check-Ins: Ask, “Am I doing this out of fear or obligation?”
2. Use Assertive Language: Say “no” without over-explaining or apologizing.
3. Reframe Your Thoughts: Use CBT techniques to challenge people-pleasing beliefs.
4. Seek Support: Therapy, coaching, or EAP programs can provide structured tools to unlearn codependent tendencies.
5. Focus on Role Clarity: Stay grounded in your responsibilities and let others own theirs.

"We are not what happened to us, we are what we choose to become." — Carl Jung

Codependency is not about kindness—it’s about compulsion. It disguises itself as loyalty, generosity, or excellence, but underneath lies fear, guilt, and a lack of boundaries. With awareness and support, you can break free from these patterns and create a healthier, more balanced professional life.

References:

• Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent No More. Hazelden.
• Schaef, A. W. (1986). Codependence: Misunderstood–Mistreated. Harper & Row.
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder.